Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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