Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
