Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
