you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
should my penis look like a turkey
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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