there's paper in my vomit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
