She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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