The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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