idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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