first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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