Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
