I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
