it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize