Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize