I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize