how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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