i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
