I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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