so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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