Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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