i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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