Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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