That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
