i just had sex bonerless
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
