I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
