this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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