Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Houston, we have a squirter
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
