My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There's even glitter on my cock...
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