i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
