big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
