porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
