Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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