Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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