i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
