I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize