dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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