i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
