im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
