I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
