God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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