So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
