Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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