whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
