So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
