well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
