I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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