Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
