Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
