I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
