Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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