they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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