how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
