This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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