GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
