he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
