Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize