Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
