tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
