Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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