Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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