So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize