On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
