2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
