There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
