It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize