I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
