I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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