I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
