I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
