I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
