i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
