And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In other news, I just burned my penis
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i think i just lost a toe
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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