i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize