Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
