This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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