I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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