I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
