This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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