You're my little dorito
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
