Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
