Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
