So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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