hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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