Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
