Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
