Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
