No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well I just put wine in my tea
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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