i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize