I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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