I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
