wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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