Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
two words: eviction party
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize