Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
