ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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