I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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