My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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