Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
