2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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