I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
