You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
