I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
