i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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