Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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