My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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