awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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