There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Randomize
