bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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