you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
