Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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