but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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