Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
