I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
