So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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